At Dr. I’s diagnosis at the beginning of August, after explaining and showing me some shadows on my liver in the CT scan, he looked at me with a serious expression and said, “Prepare yourself mentally. Be prepared.” I knew that pancreatic cancer can only be cured if the cancer in the pancreas is removed, and surgery is not possible in the case of metastasis, so I thought that it would be difficult to cure even if there was no cancer in the pancreas after surgery and only metastasis to the liver, but I reaffirmed that it cannot be cured with current medical care.
“There was a patient who had metastasis to the liver after surgery, just like Hiro, and at the patient’s request, we had surgery to remove the metastatic liver cancer, but it recurred afterwards.” I had heard that pancreatic cancer is prone to metastasis, and that surgery to remove metastatic cancer is meaningless, so I reaffirmed that this was also true.
There are mainly three types of anticancer drugs that can be used for pancreatic cancer, but TS1 was determined to be ineffective because the cancer recurred after I took it after surgery. There are two types of anticancer drugs remaining. However, even if anticancer drugs are used, there are cases where the cancer cells become resistant to the drugs and the drugs become ineffective (refractory), or where the side effects are so severe that anticancer drugs cannot be continued (intolerance). If refractory or intolerant occurs and the remaining two types of anticancer drugs can no longer be used, a genetic test will be conducted to explore the possibility of gene therapy. If that doesn’t work, we will consider participating in clinical trials being conducted at various hospitals, he explained about future treatment options. This was mostly the same as what I had looked up online beforehand, so I confirmed that it was as I had expected.
I thought I would be told how much time I had left to live, but Dr. I explained, “We have no idea how long you have left. What is certain is that it will be one month if you can no longer eat, and one week if you can no longer go to the toilet on your own.”
When I asked how long it takes for refractory or intolerant to occur on average, he said that although it varies greatly from person to person, it takes six months for refractory or intolerant to occur to one anticancer drug on average. That means that the average is one year for two anticancer drugs.
I thought that at a time like this, some doctors might explain that I have only a year to live, but when I asked, “Have you ever had any patients who ended up like me and their cancer disappeared and they were completely cured?” he answered, “Unfortunately not.”
When written like this, it sounds like the words of a very cold-hearted doctor, but I could clearly see that the kind-hearted Dr. I was answering me sincerely and with a very serious look in his eyes, and it helped me to fully accept the situation I was in.
When I was told last December that I might have stage 4 pancreatic cancer, I was determined to survive even though the 5-year survival rate was only around 1.5%. 1.5% is just a past average, and if I do what needs to be done, my chances of survival will increase dramatically. I was convinced that I would be fine, and continued to fight against pancreatic cancer with the aim of removing it through surgery and curing it. Fortunately, I was once diagnosed with stage 2B and was able to undergo surgery, but the cancer recurred and metastasized after the surgery, so it went back to the original stage 4. I just had to be determined to survive again, even if the survival rate was low.
“Then I will be your first patient who is cured of pancreatic cancer.”
The words came out of my mouth smoothly. At that time, I had not yet organized my thoughts about how I would face the recurrence of the cancer, but I wanted to declare that I would not give in to cancer.
However, this time, it was in a state that could not be cured with current medical technology. While listening to Dr. I’s explanation, I thought that my goal should not be to simply fight the cancer and remove it as in the past, but to train my immune system to keep the cancer quiet and coexist with it, and hopefully have the cancer succumb to the power of my immune system and disappear.
My wife, who was listening to Dr. I’s explanation with me, was also very calm. There are many people who have been cured in ways that are unthinkable in modern medicine. In my case, I definitely got better by seeing my grandchildren and going on trips, and releasing a lot of happy hormones. I need to live a life that releases a lot of happy hormones and strengthen my immune system. My wife’s opinion was that new treatments will surely come out while doing so.
Anyway, I wanted to avoid my heart being defeated by cancer.
I wanted to avoid spending time fearing and worrying about cancer, and struggling and suffering in order to achieve a complete recovery.
On the contrary, now that I have cancer, I will spend my time doing muscle training so I can continue playing soccer, which I want to do, seeing my grandchildren, going on trips with my wife and children, and having fun with friends.
I will say thank you to the cancer for teaching me the importance of time. For now, I’m continuing with the standard treatment and strengthening my immune system by spending each day with a smile, so please be quiet for a while until a new treatment comes out and I can say goodbye.
I decided to live though my life with a smile.